When you get married, normally you like the person. At least in modern, western countries, we tend to marry someone because we love them. When you love someone, you usually want to spend time with them. At the end of the day all I want is to hang out with my husband. Whether we go for a walk, play cards or binge watch a show, I want to be with him.
My husband and I have very different ideas on how an evening should look. When my husband is ready for bed, he just goes upstairs and gets into bed. He usually scrolls through Facebook for a bit and talks but then he just flips over when he is ready and goes to sleep. I like to take my time and relax my mind and body. I like to take care of my hygiene, maybe some yoga depending on my mood, write for a few minutes and then read until I am ready to lay down. I tend to be more rested than him, even though he can go to sleep much faster than me.
I have mentioned before that our schedules have been very different this year. We are now on the same schedule and go to bed at the same time most nights. This past year I have not had a good night routine. I hang out and then realize that I have lost track of time and my husband is ready for bed, so I go from my brain being engaged to laying in darkness. On the nights my husband stays up later, I usually stay up an hour later. I can’t do it anymore. I need to take care of myself, so I can better love my husband. I have been very tired and extremely cranky. He doesn’t want to hang out with that side of me. I don’t want to hang out with that side of me.
Taking care of myself is a lot more than just sleep and “me time.” I need to take care of myself spiritually and physically as well. A few months ago my Charming decided that we were going to get gym memberships. I was hesitant because of money and because we had done this before and not used it. I like working out in the front room and not having to get in the car. I enjoy jumping into MY shower after a workout or since I am already sweaty, go on a cleaning spree. I have had a lot of issues with my knee and ankle, causing me to have to rest it and not use a lot of gym equipment. In turn, Charming decides to hang out at home with me. I prefer working out in the morning, and he prefers working out in the dead of night. I also recently found out that he prefers the gym fairly empty, I never knew that because our gym in our previous town was always empty. As much as he likes working out in the evening, he is usually worn out from work. I don’t remember the last time we went to the gym together.
I was dwelling on the fact that I haven’t worked out in awhile and frustrated. I was frustrated with myself for not just getting it done and I was frustrated with Charming because I wanted him to be my inspiration, cheerleader and workout buddy. It is not fair for me to put my failures on him when we never agreed that was part of our relationship. I see couples on social media working out together, taking pictures with their healthy food and the before and after pictures and get jealous. Here is the thing though, I don’t like talking at the gym. When I am on the elliptical I want to zone out to my music or think about my podcast. When I am lifting weights, it is nice to have some encouragement but usually I want to just focus on what my body is doing and pushing myself further. I haven’t been working out because I have been waiting for him, but I need to work out for me. This is my part of my journey, not our journey. We are not the Instagram couple that take the perfect pictures. I couldn’t ask for anyone better to support me on my personal journey though.
I have such a wonderful marriage. There is not a lot of pictures of us because we are too busy living life. When Charming notices a change in my body he congratulates me. When I eat healthy, he tells me I am doing a great job. When I have overworked my body, he tells me that I need to relax and remember to rest. When I am in a depression he tells me to take a walk, and he bugs me until I get out of the house because he knows I won’t otherwise. When I am feeling down he holds me and ask me if I have prayed about it. We probably watch more tv than some, but we pause A LOT to have conversations or randomly jump in the car for a drive, play cards or go for a walk. He will never do yoga with me and I will never play the video games he likes. He will never read the same book I like to discuss it, just like there are some shows I refuse to watch with him. He annoys me with some of his jokes and I annoy him with my singing. On his days off he doesn’t want to go anywhere, on my days off I want to sit in a coffee shop.
I have decided that I need to actively make time to go exercise by myself and keep the night routine best for me rather than passively living my life. I will live my life to the fullest. I will also live our life to the fullest. I will spend time with my Charming when he comes home and actively love him and continuously get to know him better for the next 50 plus years. Even though I have a few things in my life that I will do for me, my favorite thing will always be collapsing in his arms binge watching a show while feeling his love and strength, knowing he will support me no matter what I decide to do.