#metoo (it REALLY happened)

#metoo

Anyone who has been on social media this week has most likely seen #metoo. Women and some men have been posting the hashtag if they have been sexually harassed or abused to bring awareness to the issue. The first time I saw the status I got sick to my stomach. Should I write the status and bring awareness to hopefully protect someone in the future? But then I will be making myself vulnerable, very vulnerable…. The thoughts swarmed through my mind.

A few days went by and every time I saw #metoo my heart broke. My head spun. My stomach flipped. The world needs to realize that women are being hurt, physically and mentally. I was afraid that if I wrote the status someone would ask for the details. I was afraid that people would think I wasn’t qualified to work with their children. I was afraid that people in my past might see it and verbally and emotionally attack me. I was scared. However, I was more scared for my sisters, the young girls in my life, my future daughters, my future nieces, the future of humanity. I knew that I needed to speak out. I wasn’t sure how to do that.

I sat outside playing with the kids but in the back of my head I was trying to figure out how to express my heart… and my hurt. I didn’t want to just write #metoo. I wanted to help someone. So, I wrote…

 

Childhood

She said no
He said shhh
It’s okay
Nothing “really” happened
Next time
Come here
No
But it’s okay
No no no
Shhh. Okay. Never mind.
Nothing “really” happened
Years passed and the nightmares became more intense
Shhh. It’s okay.
Trapped.
Doubt.
People love him.
People say I’m okay.
I’m okay.
The nightmares don’t stop.
Being held in place
An unwanted embrace
Legs and torso caressed
But nothing “really” happened
Shhh, it’s okay
You’re being dramatic
But the nightmares
But the sick feeling when I see him
The fear
Nothing “really” happened

High school
Jokes
Crude, disgusting jokes
Directed unwanted sex jokes
Stop following me
Aw, you’re fine
It’s just a joke

Leave her alone
Oh, you want me then
Don’t touch me
He runs up and grabs my breast
He runs up and slaps my butt
Stop. Don’t touch me
I slap, I hit
He thinks it’s a game
Everyone says it just high school and laughs
Nothing “really” happened

College

Hey, I like you
I like you too
A kiss dodged
One, two, three times
He’s just a guy
Nothing “really” happened
Sit with me
Okay
Wait, no!
It’s only skin and it’s only a back
It’s my skin, it’s my back
Fine
Silence
Nothing “really” happened
Everyone loves him
I must have been dramatic

 

He was a jerk
I would never do that
Okay, here’s my heart
Wait, no!
Oh sorry. I’m a guy… my past… not my fault
Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
Nothing “really” happened
Besides… I must be dramatic
Please stop.
Tears. Tears. Tears.
Oh sorry. I’m a guy…. my past… not my fault
Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
Nothing “really” happened
Besides…. You are being dramatic.
You are being dramatic.
You are being sensitive.
Sorry. Didn’t mean to.
Nothing “really” happened.

 

My life

Nothing ever “really” happened to me
Shhh, it’s okay
Others have been hurt more
Others have had something “really” happen
Nightmares.
Darkness.
Fear.
Shh, it’s okay.
Boys will be boys.
That always happens.
Just high school.
If you speak out, you are dramatic.
Nothing “really” happened.

 

Vow

My darling girls and women alike
Talk to me
I will listen
I will encourage you
I will understand your pain
Something “really” happened
Nothing “really” happened
No, no.
It REALLY happened.

 

My darling boys and men alike
You have the ability to make us feel safe
Do so
I will teach boys in my life to love
I will teach boys to respect space
I will teach boys that if you have to say nothing “really” happened….
It REALLY happened

 

What can we do to change this world that we live in? Women, we need stand up and start changing this world. Men, we are very strong women, but we need your help in this. Here are a few things that I have been thinking about that may help slowly heal our world.

  1. Speak out. Even if you can only manage to tell your best friend, do it.
  2. Report it. Talk to the HR department at your work, tell a teacher, tell a parent, and if you need, call the police. I know that media has shown horrible police, but I promise, there are some great ones who will fight for you.
  3. Speak up. If you see someone being harassed, stop it or report it. If a demeaning joke is told around you, set the person straight.
  4. Love. Love the women and girls around you. Love the men and boys around you. Show girls a pure love so that when they enter a relationship, it is one full of love. Show boys love so that when they enter a relationship they will know how to truly be loving.
  5.  Respect. It doesn’t sound hard but apparently respect is hard for too many people in this world. Respect others. Plain and simple.

I wish I could change the world. I can’t. Perhaps I can encourage someone through my words. Maybe a young man who has only seen disrespect shown to women will have clarity of how women should be treated. As our voices come together and rise, humanity will begin to heal.

If you have been abused and need to talk to someone please reach out and call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at (800) 656-4673 (HOPE) or visit online.rainn.org

 

 

Author: aimeeelaine18

I am a hardworking, loving women who is crazy about her husband and sweet pup. I spend too much time cooking and I am on the edge of being a hippie. I am passionate about teaching children in ways that work for them individually. And I love going on beach adventures whenever I can.

2 thoughts on “#metoo (it REALLY happened)”

  1. I’m so sorry for what you and so many other women and girls have gone through. It’s so brave of you to write so eloquently about your abuses; I pray it helps others who have suffered to speak about it. If men only knew the seriousness of this, maybe they’ll start thinking twice before taking actions that degrade women. Bless you!

    Like

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